Your ego – that sneaky little voice inside your head that always whispers nastiness in your ear when you least expect it…
I don’t know about you and your ego, but I thought I had my ego in check.
With all the work I’ve done on myself, self awareness I’ve cultivated, and responsibility I’ve taken for all the problems I’ve experienced in my life, I really thought I’d finally ‘left my ego at the door’ so to speak.
However, Chapter 7 of Change your thoughts, change your life by Wayne Dyer was a good, Hard, SMACK, in the face for me…
The end of this chapter is where Wayne’s words really drove it home for me. That’s when I realized just how much my ego has been sneaking in and attempting to sabotage my life.
Listen. I’m not trying to blame my problems on something else. I realize that my ego is a part of ME. It’s my attitude about things, people, and situations in my life. What I didn’t realize was how destructive some of my attitudes are when I’m not fully paying attention.
Wayne made me realize how much my ego was interfering in my life with his exercise from the ‘Do the Tao Now’ section at the end of the chapter…
Be on the lookout for ego demands for an entire day. Decide to defuse as many of them as you can comfortably, perhaps by assigning them an ‘intensity grade’. Living beyond ego situations that are easy to accomplish get a low number, while those requests that are difficult to quell get a higher number.
For example, let’s say that your spouse is driving a car in which you are a passenger. You see the perfect parking space, but your mate drives right on by; or you watch him or her take a different route than you ordinarily do. Silently witness the degree of discomfort with your decision not to say anything. Did ego let you know its preference?
Or if you have a conversational opportunity to display your specialized knowledge or describe a situation wherein you were the recipient of honor or success, note how uncomfortable your decision to remain quiet felt. Again, did the ego let you know its preference?
“Silently witness the degree of discomfort”
Your ego… The discomfort.
It’s the flashing red light that helps you identify when the ego is rearing it’s ugly head…
When I REALLY started paying attention, I began to feel discomfort in moments where I strongly wanted to say something, do something, or refrain from doing something all because of random little thoughts.
Your ego – Relationship Sabotage
Do you ever find yourself telling your spouse what to do, how to do it, or how wrong they are about something?
I realized I was doing just that. He would tell me about a problem he was having at work. And I would strongly tell him, in no uncertain terms, exactly what he should say and do the next time he was faced with that situation.
Sure. That felt great to me and my ego, because I was sharing my wonderful, awesome, and amazing wisdom!
But, what that probably made him feel like, was I didn’t think he was capable of coming up with a solution on his own. Or maybe, that I didn’t believe in him. And possibily, he may have even felt resentful toward me for talking to him like his mother!
Eventually, if I kept doing that, he’d probably tell me he’s had enough and walk right out the door of our relationship.
The past few days, I’ve really tried to pay attention to our conversations and notice when I felt a NEED to voice my opinion, and I’ll tell you, it happens ALOT!
I was very surprised at how much discomfort it caused me when I forcibly refrained myself from speaking out!!
This ego urge in me is so strong that if I’m not paying close attention, it will catch me off guard. I didn’t even realize I was doing it again today, until after I hung up the phone from our conversation!! urgh!
Dang it, Ego! Really? Stop that!!!
Your ego – Diet Sabotage
Here’s a good one!
At the beginning of November, I started a diet.
And I did really, really, really good! I lost 15 pounds by the end of the year.
But then, my husband came to visit for the month of January. He eats a different kind of food. You know, the good stuff… bread, and chips, and meat, and cheese!!!
So every time I was faced with one of those sooo yummy items, my ego would stand up and shout “You were so good for 2 months you deserve to eat some of that yummy stuff!!!”
If I would refrain from eating it, it would be super uncomfortable. My ego would be jumping up and down throwing a big baby fit. It would say “you are depriving yourself of the pleasures in life and since happiness is found in the moment, you should enjoy what you eat in the moment and not worry about the future!”
Nasty little ego isn’t it?
Does your ego sabotage you like that? Does it use your own words against you?
Your ego – Financial Sabotage
A couple weeks ago on our Saturday Morning Mastermind I talked about another breakthrough I had related to the business my husband is working so hard to establish up in Indiana.
I told you that I realized I’d been inadvertently sabotaging my efforts to help him because of fears I had about loosing my happiness to a bunch of responsibilities that would be put on my shoulders.
Again, my ego getting in the way and attempting to sabotage different areas of my life. That time, it was financially as well as our relationship.
Mostly, I’ve been able to overcome that ego part of me by doing the exercises I spoke about on that mastermind. The past couple weeks since then have been very productive. If you missed it, you can watch it here.
But then, this week I noticed another way my ego was trying to sabotage us financially.
Right now, money is tight. My husband is in Indiana, I’m still in Georgia, we have expenses in both places. We’re not spending money on anything unnecessary.
When does my ego rear it’s little head? When I’m driving by the Chick-fil-A, walking through the shoe section at Wal-mart, or when I get a Groupon message about Valentines day deals!
My ego is just sitting there on my shoulder saying “Oh, You haven’t had Chick-fil-A in a couple months! mmmm chicken nuggets!”, “You’ve been wanting a new pair of warm fuzzy slippers for a while now, they’re only $12.97”, or “That Groupon is such a great deal! You don’t want to miss out on that!!!” lol
Luckily, I have a little more control over this part of my ego, but I only realized it was ego because of the ‘discomfort’ it was causing me.
That’s the key to overcome the part of your ego that wants to sabotage your life. When you feel that discomfort and recognize what it is, you can take action to make positive changes in your life. Or as Wayne says “By holding back ego’s demands, even for a few moments, you will feel more and more fulfilled”
Your ego is that selfish little part of you that says “Look at me, look at me!” “Put me before everyone, and everything else in your life” When you put your focus on making your ego happy, every other part of your life suffers.
Wayne sums it up well…
Make an attempt to reverse ego’s hold on you by practicing the Tao’s teaching to “serve the needs of others, and all your own needs will be fulfilled”
It’s not about running yourself ragged trying to do everything for everyone else. It’s about nurturing the relationships you have with other people and being a team player in this wonderful game called life…
Over to you. What do you think? What areas of your life does your ego sneak in and try to sabotage you?
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This is week 9 of our Saturday Morning Mastermind study of “Change your thoughts Change your life” by Wayne Dyer
Read Chapter 7 – Living Beyond Ego
Then Meet us here for a LIVE discussion February 13th at 10am EST